A fool in love
by The Forgotten Lover
Summary: You told me I was the one you wanted to be with; that I was perfection. Now that I look back I can’t believe I was foolish enough to believe you.


**A/N: It's been a while, hasn't it? I had given up on writing for a while due to personal problems, and another semester has started. A warning for this fic, it's doesn't have a happy ending. This is based off of my real life experiences. I changed some things around though, but it's the basis of what I feel. Someone broke my heart terribly, and I will never forgive them. All I can do is vent out in writing, and try to move on with my life. I almost didn't post this, but I changed my mind. This is dedicated to anyone who has ever had a broken heart, enjoy.**

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You told me I was the one you wanted to be with; that I was perfection. Now that I look back I can't believe I was foolish enough to believe you.

I remember the first day we met; Ron introduced us in the great hall. You had the trademark red hair, and the pale freckled skin. You were so much more attractive than your brothers were. You were so sweet and shy back then; I never would have thought you were capable of breaking hearts, but I was terribly mistaken.

I thought you were a goddess sent from the heavens above. You are so very beautiful. I thought I was just admiring your beauty at the time, but something made me want to kiss those delicate lips of yours. I shrugged it off and figured I was just in a phase, and these strange feelings would pass, yet they only grew.

I only had positive thoughts about our future together. We were to become close friends throughout the years, very close friends. I took my time and got to know you. I was kind enough to show you around the school grounds, and make sure you knew where all your classes were. You quietly thanked me, and gave me a light hug. I gladly wrapped my arms around you, and told you if you ever needed anything to just ask me. You smiled at me, and walked to your bed. I watched from the corner of my eye as you crawled beneath the sheets, and yawned as you closed your eyes.

"_Goodnight Hermione. Thank you for everything you have done."_ You tell me bashfully.

"_You're welcome Ginny. I'll always be here for you. Anything you need, just ask me."_ I tell you; then climb into bed myself.

I couldn't help but smile as I watched you fall asleep. I had found a new friend in you. I just knew we were going to become closer as the years progressed.

As time went by you had grown out of your shyness, but you still had that sweet side to you. As I had hoped; we had become best friends. We shared all of our secrets, and spent most of our time by each others side. Often I would help you with homework; though I had a feeling you were just asking so you could be closer to me. Wishful thinking I guess.

I remember in your second year, you had finally told me about your crush on Harry. I had a stinging sensation in my stomach the second you told me. I didn't know why at the time, but it's so obvious now what it was that I was feeling. I provided sympathy like any friend would do, and told you he would come to like you as time went by. What I really wanted to tell you is why waste your time with someone who doesn't notice you; when you could be spending it with someone who wants to be around you all the time.

I didn't think it possible, but you became more beautiful as you grew older. My forth year came around, and we were still the best of friends. I had told you about Krum asking me to the ball, and you seemed jealous at the time.

We were taking a walk around the school grounds. It was a very cold day, I remember because we had wrapped our arms around each other to try to keep warm. It was the closest I had been to you yet. It was only innocent touching, but I felt hot the moment I touched you.

"_Why do you want to go with him?"_ You said as your arm slowly slid across my waste.

"_I just want someone to go with. I am tired of being the girl who no one likes. I just want someone to like me."_ I explained to you, pulling you closer.

"_Well I like you. You shouldn't go with him just to have someone to be with."_ I see a faint smile coming from your lips.

"_Is that so? Then why are you going with Neville of all people?"_ I give you a sly smile, and poke you in the ribs.

You pull back a little from the sensation, but return to me slowly.

"_I am going with Neville because he is a nice guy and deserves to have a girl pay attention to him for once."_ You respond.

How could you be so nice to Neville? I thought you had the biggest heart back then. What a fool I was.

"_You're so sweet. Any guy would be lucky to have you as their sweetheart." _

You just smiled and nodded. As we were walking back up to the castle you whispered in my ear.

"_I would pick you to go to the ball with over any guy in this school." _

I looked at you with wide eyes, and you just smiled. I tried to say something, but had no idea what would come out.

You smiled once again, and waved goodbye to me. I was left to wonder what those words of yours truly meant. I still wonder what you meant.

The Yule ball went well. I had a good time, and was glad I wasn't alone that night. My feelings for Krum were only that of friends though, I just couldn't imagine myself kissing him; it actually made me cringe at the thought of it. I watched you most of the night; it seemed like you were having a good time as well. Neville looked happy to have you with him. Then you looked at me and gave me that genuine smile of yours. I waved to you, and smiled back.

That was when I knew for sure that I had more than friendly feelings for you. It wasn't admiration I was feeling; it was love. I had fallen for you, and I couldn't believe it myself. I had fallen in love with your mind, body, and soul. I remember wishing I were the one you were dancing with that night. I wanted to hold you in my arms, and be able to call you my sweetheart. I knew these feelings I had for you were romantic ones, and I was scared to death.

I promised myself I wouldn't act on these feelings I had for you. I didn't want to loose you as a friend. I always had my fantasies, but they just were never enough. I had become depressed knowing I could never show you how I really felt about you.

How I longed to shred you of your clothes and make you beg for mercy as I nibbled and licked every inch of your body. You had managed to turn me into an animal, without doing a thing.

I had gone through these emotions for about a year until that fateful night came. In my sixth year you had told me something I never expected to come from your lips.

It was Christmas Eve, and I was spending it at your house that year. We were in your room drinking hot cider, and trying to stay warm from the harsh weather. Neither of us were able to fall asleep, so we decided to stay up for a while and try to get warm.

I had moved over to your bed, and you immediately grabbed me and pulled me close. I felt you shiver, and tried my best to make you warm. As I settled in next to you I picked up a book, and started to silently read, as you sat there and watched me.

After a few minutes went by, you broke the silence.

"_Hermione?"_

I looked up from my book and responded.

"_Yes?"_

"_If I tell you something, you promise you won't get mad at me?"_ You said in a low voice.

"_What is it you want to tell me? It's not bad is it?"_ I asked concerned.

"_No, it's just something you might not like hearing."_

"_Ginny, you can tell me anything. I won't get mad at you."_ I squeezed your arm in reassurance.

You looked at me with innocent eyes, and looked as though you were about to cry. I narrowed my eyes and became concerned because I thought you were going to tell me something horrible, when actually it was the most wonderful thing I have ever heard.

"_What would you say if I told you I wanted to do everything possible to you?" _The innocent look you gave me didn't match the seduction of your voice.

My heart had stopped; I couldn't say or do anything. I couldn't believe what I just heard. I thought I heard you wrong.

You started breathing deep, and your eyes were starting to get watery. That's what knocked me out of my trance.

"_Do you mean what I think you mean? This isn't a joke is it?" _

"_I like you in more than a friendly way, and I would never play such a cruel joke on you like that. I have wanted to kiss you for so long."_ You say quietly. You haven't looked in my eyes yet.

I slowly start to grin, as I look at you. My heart had been lifted up, and I actually felt happy again.

"_That is possibly the greatest thing I have ever heard you say. I have had feelings for you for so long, truly deep feelings."_

You tilt your head in my direction, a smile slowly creeping along your face.

"_You do?"_

I nod my head slowly.

You take hold of the collar on my shirt, and pull me in closer to you. My book drops from my hands as I lean in to you. I had wanted to kiss you for so long, and I finally had my chance.

I pressed my lips against you, propping myself up with my arms on your sides. I didn't want to lean on you and force you to lay down, at least not with your approval.

We started off so very slow and innocent, but quickly turned heated and naughty.

You had such soft lips. The kiss felt so much better than I had ever imagined. Your kisses were to die for. You were so warm, I would have expected you to be cold due to the weather but when I touched you, you were as warm as could be.

Your hands went from grabbing my shirt collar to unbuttoning my shirt. I slowly pulled away from our kiss, and looked at you questionably.

"_Do you want to?"_ You asked me, tugging at my shirt.

"_I've never done anything like this before."_

"_Neither have I, but we can learn together."_ You tell me. Now, I'm almost certain you were lying to me.

You pull me in for another kiss, and continued removing my shirt. You reach the last button and slid my shirt off my shoulders. I couldn't help but shiver. It was cold, and I was so very nervous.

"_Let's get under the blankets."_ I say to you, and you respond by nodding your head and lying down. I moved on top of you, and pulled the covers over my head. We had no trouble warming up that night, being that it makes you hot when hormones are running wild.

It was my first sexual experience with anyone, and I was so very thankful it was you. I had thought we shared a beautiful night together, one that we would never forget.

Well, at least I still remember that night we shared.

That night changed things between us forever. We could never go back to being just friends; we had already crossed the line.

I woke up on Christmas morning as happy as could be, and when I looked at you, you seemed joyful as well. I gave you a good morning kiss, and we got up and acted as if everything was normal between us, as if nothing had happened. I didn't mind though, I didn't exactly want to tell everyone what happened between us.

I noticed during Christmas dinner that Harry was being very close to you. He kept finding ways to touch you, trying to tickle you, or just grabbing on to you at random times. It had made my blood boil.

What's worse is that I think you liked it when he touched you. You wouldn't even look at me the entire time you were with Harry.

Maybe I was overreacting, but I didn't want anyone touching you except me.

Finally I had gotten you alone in your room, and was glad it was just us again.

I wrapped my arms around you as we settled into your bed. You allowed me to be affectionate, but didn't return any of feelings.

"_Is everything alright?"_ I asked you when I noticed you were distant.

"_Everything is perfect. I was just thinking about things."_ You tell me in a weak voice.

I knew something was wrong, but I didn't want to acknowledge it.

I left it at that, and eventually we told each other goodnight. I had trouble getting to sleep that night. I was afraid you were having second thoughts about us.

A couple of weeks had passed since then and we were back at school. I had seen you very little in that time. I felt as if you were ignoring me, and you were.

I kept trying to make up excuses for you, like you didn't have time to see me, or you were just tired and didn't feel like talking to me. I felt so horrible those few days. I had started to feel insecure about our one night of passion. Maybe I wasn't good in bed or my body was oddly misshapen and I turned you off me.

I noticed you had time to talk with Harry though. It seems every time I would walk into the common room, you and Harry were huddled up in the corner of the room talking and laughing.

I spent those nights in my room wondering what I did wrong, what happened between us? Often times I would end up crying before I fell asleep. I felt so alone.

It took a few days, but you came around again. I was reading in the common room when you approached me.

"_Hello Hermione"_ you tell me.

I look up from my book with cold eyes. I don't say a word to you.

"_I just wanted to say I'm sorry if it seems like I have been ignoring you these past couple of days. I've just been really busy lately."_

I nod my head, and feel a little relief come across me.

"_It's okay Ginny. I figured you had things to do." _I forgave you so easily, and I regret that.

You sat down next to me, and set your hand on my knee.

"_I was wondering if we could go up to your room and talk." _

"_I don't know Ginny. I have a lot of homework to finish."_

"_Oh come on. You can do your homework later. Please come and talk with me."_ You told me with innocent eyes.

"_Oh Alright."_ I get up and lead you to my room.

Talking is what you said you wanted to do. Sex is what we ended up having.

Once again I was lying with you naked under the blankets. I had felt good about myself again. I knew I wasn't a freak of nature and you really must have been busy the past few days.

Why else would you have come back to me if you didn't want me in your life? I still think about what your answer would be.

You went back to my room later that night, and I went to sleep peacefully for the first time in a while.

The next day's events had come to a shock for me. I never in my wildest dreams could imagine what had happened.

I was walking to the common room after my classes had finished when I heard a noise in the hall around the corner. Curious, I wanted to know what it was so I walked a bit further and my heart shattered.

There you were; kissing Harry Potter.

I couldn't breath. I just stared at you in shock. You had hurt me so much that day; I still don't know why you did what you did.

You finally saw me after about two minutes. You immediately stopped kissing him, and just looked at me. Harry turned around, and smiled at me.

All you did was look at me.

I turned quickly before my tears spilled down my cheeks, and ran off towards my room. I couldn't believe it. We had just made love the night before, and you go off and kiss Harry Potter the very next day. Why would you do such a cruel thing to me? You must have thought of me as an object; something that had no heart or feelings. Surely if you thought I had feelings, you wouldn't have put me through this nightmare.

A couple of hours had passed and there was a knocking on my door. It only took you two hours to come say you were sorry. You must have thought of me immediately. Note the sarcasm.

I didn't say anything when you knocked. I just sat on my bed and stared at the wall. You came in anyway.

You walked up in front of me, but I didn't look at you. I just kept looking at the wall.

"_Look I'm sorry about what happened today, but Harry just told me he wanted to be with me."_

I didn't think I could feel any worse, but when I heard that my heart crumbled to pieces.

"_I thought you liked me."_ I spoke in a very low, hoarse voice. It was weak from crying.

"_I do like you Hermione. It's just Harry is…" _

"_Better?"_ I say before you could finish your sentence.

"_No, he is not better than you."_ You simply respond.

"_What did I do wrong?" _

"_Nothing, you did nothing wrong." _

"_Then why did you do this to me? Do you know how much this hurts? You have no idea what I am feeling right now." _

"_It's just that I've always like Harry, you know that. I just knew Harry was starting to like me so I took the opportunity to ask him out."_

"_You asked him out? What about last night? If you knew you were going to ask Harry out today, why did you sleep with me last night?"_

I don't get an answer from you. I never have.

"_Hermione I'm just trying to be happy."_

Another blow to my heart.

"_So I don't make you happy?" _

"_That's not what I meant."_

"_Ginny, just leave me alone please. You already have done enough damage, and I don't want to hear anymore of your rubbish."_

"_Fine"_ You say and walk out my door, slamming it behind you.

My perspective of you had changed so much in so little time. I felt you were selfish and only thought for yourself and what you wanted. Maybe I was being the selfish one. I just wanted your love all to myself. I knew that would never happen now. I didn't make you happy like you made me happy. I wasn't Harry; I wasn't the one you wanted. I was just a fool in love with you.

It's a fine line between love and hate. I still had fond feelings for you; while I despised you for what you did to me.

The next couple of weeks were the worst of my life. I refused to speak to you, or even look in your direction. I didn't want to be your friend anymore. I couldn't stand to see you with Harry and thought it was best if I just stopped talking to you all together.

I ended up eating at the end of the table, all by myself. You and Harry were inseparable, and I honestly didn't want to look at it. I had gotten so mad when I thought of how happy you were with him; it just seemed like I didn't exist to you anymore. I was right; you tossed me aside as fast as you could. I wish we never became intimate; I wish I never wasted my first time with you. I should have known better; I should have known I was just a bit of fun to you. Love had blinded me; I couldn't see what I can so clearly see now, but does that mean I don't love you anymore?

Eventually as time went on, I stopped hating you so much. I could look at you again, and I even managed to sit by you during our meals. You liked Harry first after all; I could never compare to him.

I started to smile again, and get back to my normal, lonely life. Ron showed me attention, and I took what I could get. He had red hair just like yours; so I could pretend it were you sometimes; instead of Ron. It worked from time to time, but I knew it would never be the same as really having you there next to me.

Ron had eventually asked me to be his girlfriend, and I had accepted. I had mixed feelings about being with him. I didn't want to be alone, but I didn't love him like I loved you. I decided to settle for what I could get. You had come up to me and congratulated me, and I told you thank you.

You asked to have a word in private, and I accepted not knowing what you wanted. I thought your actions innocent because we were with the "love of your life" now.

I took you up to my room, and closed the door. I still had trouble looking you in the eye; I always have.

"_What is it that you wanted?" _I say looking at the floor.

You moved towards my bed, and sat down.

"_Seeing you with Ron has had me thinking."_ You said with a weak smile on your face.

"_About what?"_ I said in a curious voice.

"_About what we did." _

"_You mean having sex?"_ I said annoyed.

"_Yeah, sex."_

"_What about it?" _

"_I…I missed you. I want to have you back; I missed doing that with you."_

"_What?"_ I said in disbelief

"_I want you back."_

I couldn't believe you. You had put me through all this misery just to come back and say you wanted me back. What was the point of ever stopping what we had if you missed me?

"_What about Harry?" _

"_He doesn't have to know about us. It could be our little secret."_

"_What about Ron. He is my boyfriend now." _

"_Don't you want me back? We can just keep this to ourselves, no one has to know."_

I was a fool to do what I did. I just loved you so much; I would do anything to have you back.

"_I do want you back."_ I admitted quietly.

That was when you made your move. You patted the side of the bed, and motioned for me to come over.

I slowly went over to you and sat beside you. You leaned your head against my shoulder, and grabbed hold of my hand.

"_I'm sorry I hurt you."_ You whispered to me.

That's when my former perspective of you returned once more. I immediately forgave you, and thought you were that shy and sweet girl I had met so many years before.

I pushed my lips against yours, and you immediately returned the favor. With our lips locked, we fell against the bed and made love once again. I like to say made love; though you may refer to it as shagging.

I woke up the next morning, and felt free. Free of the torture I had been put through, free of the misery I had suffered. I could breathe again.

You woke up and smiled.

"_Good morning beautiful."_ You said.

"_Morning sweetheart."_ I respond.

You smile at my response, and gave me a hug. I thought I was back in your life again, and we would find a way to be together again. Screw the world and what they think; we belonged together and no one was going to stop us.

But someone did stop us; I should have known who.

The summer before the war had begun, was the best summer of my life. We must have made love over 100 times. It was bliss; I never wanted the summer to end. We would be with our boyfriends during the day, but the night belonged to us. We came up with so many different ways to please one another. That was the summer I said I loved you, and you admitted you had loved me back. Yes, it was a wonderful summer, but all good things come to an end.

You had come to me before summer was over, and told me we had to end what we had created together.

"_I can't do this to Harry anymore."_ You say

"_Then break up with him."_

"_I can't do that; he needs me, and I need him."_

"_He doesn't want to put you in danger. Now is the perfect time to move on."_

"_I don't want to." _

I can hardly breathe at this moment. I had become trapped in my misery once more.

"_Why? I thought you loved me."_

"_I do love you; I just feel my place is with Harry."_

"_Why?"_ I shout; tears spilling out.

"_I don't want to hurt you anymore than I already have."_ You tell me.

"_My heart is already torn apart. You might as well tell me why you don't want me anymore."_ I wipe my tears as fast as I can.

"_Because I love Harry more than you I'm sorry but that's just how I feel." _

I can't say anything. What is left of my heart is pounding out of my chest, and I feel like I am about to burst open.

"_I'm sorry Hermione. It would have never worked between us." _

I had to sit down and take deep breaths. I should have expected this to come from you; it had already happened once before.

All the misery inside of me had given way. I felt my temper getting ready to explode and you were finally going to hear what I had to say.

"_How do you know it wouldn't have worked? You have no idea what I feel for you, do you? I have just been your sex toy haven't I? I love you so much it hurts me. You broke my heart not once, but twice. Don't you know how much I suffered the first time around? You just had to go and do it again. It really shows how much you care about me."_

You looked at me with tears in your eyes, but I had no pity for you. I couldn't comfort you now; it was too late. You had ruined everything.

"_I do care about you Hermione."_

"_If you cared about me so much you wouldn't have ripped my heart out."_

"_I'm sorry Hermione. I wish I could take it back. I still want to be your friend."_

"_I can't do that Ginny. I can't be your friend; we can never go back to being just friends."_

"_Please Hermione. I need you to be there for me."_

"_Why? You have Harry to be there for you now. So go to him, and just leave me be."_

You begin to sob, and no matter how much I want to go over there and comfort you; I decide it is best to leave your room.

I shut the door behind me, and shut you out of my heart. Never again was I going to fall for your little tricks. I was just being used by you. I was an idiot to fall for you again. I will always be ashamed for going back to you a second time.

I had hurt someone while you were hurting me. Ron didn't deserve what I had done to him; I'm just thankful he never found out about us. I will remain in his arms; it's the closest I will ever get to you again.

You had stayed with Harry throughout the war. You were there when he needed you, and I could tell he really did love you. I was glad that Harry had found happiness in you, but I just wish it wasn't you he loved so much.

What was I to do, but just watch the two of you grow closer? You and I hardly spoke the year of the war. I ignored you when I could, and only sat by you when I absolutely had to. Every time we touched I felt the pain of my heart breaking again, and knowing I could never touch you the way I desired.

I had clung to Ron during the war, and my feelings for him had grown. I loved him, and I knew I could trust him. Something was different though, it wasn't the same love I had felt for you. I felt comfortable with Ron, and with you I was a nervous wreck. I can't explain why the feelings are different.

Eventually I started talking to you little by little. I didn't want Harry or Ron to wonder why we weren't talking anymore, so I sucked up my pride and talked to you. We talked about basic things, like the weather or how our studies were going. We never discussed the love affair we had; I would never bring up anything about it again, until now.

A couple of months after the war, you had come to me with some news. I didn't want to hear it, but I knew it was inevitable.

"_Hermione, I have something to tell you." _

"_What is it, Ginny?"_

"_It's about Harry and me. He's…he proposed to me last night."_

I immediately became short of breath. My heart began pounding in my chest. I tried to calm myself down and at least look mildly calm.

"_What did you say?"_ I could feel tears coming to my eyes.

"_I said yes. We're getting married next month." _

I nodded my head, and turned away from you. I let a tear slip out, and quickly wiped it away.

"_Hermione, are you alright?"_ You asked with concern.

How could you have even asked that? If you knew how much I loved you, you would have known the answer.

"_I'm fine, congratulations."_ I replied in a straight voice.

"_Thanks. I want you to be my maid of honor." _

That's when I let my tears fall freely. My voice had cracked, and I was crying as loud as I could. I couldn't take it anymore.

You put your arm on my shoulder, but I shrugged you off.

"_I can't do that Ginny. I can't be your maid of honor."_

"_Why not?" _You asked.

Why not just tell you what I really felt. I didn't want to keep it hidden anymore.

"_Because I still love you. I can't be your maid of honor and be part of your wedding ceremony. I don't want to participate in giving the one I love to someone else; I just can't do it. Ask someone else."_

"_If that's what you really want, then I won't bother you about it anymore."_ You said quietly.

I had my hands over my eyes, hiding my tears. Somehow I had hoped you would come back to me, but now I knew it was over for sure.

"_Yes Ginny, that is what I want."_ I told you quietly.

You walked away from me, and I didn't see you again until the wedding day.

I had spent that month before the wedding crying my eyes out every night. My eyes were so very swollen and bright pink. Ron had kept asking what was wrong with me, and I told him allergies had gotten the best of me. I felt alone in the world, my soul mate was marrying someone else. I had nothing left to live for in the world.

The day of the wedding came, and I sat in the crowd while you and Harry stood in the front. Ron was Harry's best man, so I was sitting alone. I see you had picked Luna as your maid of honor; good choice.

The whole time you were up there, I couldn't take my eyes away from you. I kept hoping you would realize that you love me, and we would run away together. That never happened. The next thing I heard from your lips were _"I do"_

I was lucky because I was able to hide my tears of pain for tears of joy. Ron had come up to me after the wedding and thought I was happy for you.

"_That will be us one day soon."_ He smiled, and pulled me into a kiss.

I just kissed him back, and pulled him into a hug.

I came up to you and Harry and the reception and congratulated you both. My eyes were only set on Harry though. If I looked at you I knew I was going to start crying again.

After that, I had left the wedding claiming I had gotten sick and needed to go home. No one knew the real reason why I left, but I think you knew.

I cried all night long, knowing you were probably in bed with Harry at that moment. I felt helpless. I felt there was no reason for living anymore; there was no point. I had lost what I wanted most in life, and I was never going to get it back.

Here I am now, writing this story about how I fell in love with you, and how you broke my heart. Maybe you didn't mean to hurt me as much as you had, but you should have known better the second time around. I should have known better. I still don't know why you said you missed me and wanted me back, only to leave me again. What was that all about? I guess I will never know.

I am now engaged to Ron, he proposed a few days ago. Maybe that is why I am writing this. I am finally going to be a taken woman, off limits to everyone except Ron. It's an odd feeling. I am not really excited, nor am I afraid to marry him. It's just not the same thing.

It's kind of funny. When I had dreamed of being proposed to, it had been you I imagined holding the ring up to me.

Am I crazy for having such strong feelings for you when you obviously don't return any of them?

I still burn with desire for you. I wonder do you ever feel the same.

Do you ever think about those wonderful nights we shared? Have I ever crossed your mind?

I am just a fool in love with you. That's all I ever will be.

"**Hermione, where are you?" Ron shouts.**

"**I'm in my study, I'll be there shortly." Hermione responds.**

**Hermione closes her diary, and puts in gently back in her desk. She wipes a tear off her cheek, and goes to her fiancé.**

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**A/N: I hope you get the feeling in this fic. One shots are so much easier than chapters, I think I am going to stick with them for a while. I may post something up soon, or I may not. Depends on how I feel, and if I am not busy. I hoped you liked what I had written for this fic. I had a lot of emotion set in it.**


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